Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
