I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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