Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
