I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
