if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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