Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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