another moral hangover. fuck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
