I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
