So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
