he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize