I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
