Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
