lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
