So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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