I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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