God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
