woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
