I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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