Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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