Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize