worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
