Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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