I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
