Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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