I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
