Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
