You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
