I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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