Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
