omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
