Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
