The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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