If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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