I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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