A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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