just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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