Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
