i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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