1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
