Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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