oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish I only lived at night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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