I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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