i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
