I'm going to jail i love you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize