the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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