I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
