Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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