Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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