I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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