I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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