I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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