You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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