i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
