you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
