I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
