i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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