I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
