Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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