i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
