I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
