I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
