i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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