i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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