i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Randomize
