put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
