I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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