K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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