sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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